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Question:
There were some good times, but I started planning how to do away with myself. I started staying up until 2 o'clock in the morning. And when I finally woke up I was lethargic and "dead". But about four o'clock p.m. I would get "happy". One day I was thinking about how I was going to go to school to be a surgeon!
Answer:
If you are feeling anxious or like you are stuck in Panicsville, I suggest that you talk to your pdoc about a Rx for some Klonopin (clonazepam). If you find yourself falling asleep (whenever you don't want to) as a result of taking it, try using a pill chopper and dividing your dose up into 4 smaller doses. If your pdoc says that it won't make any difference, politely ignore her and try it anyway. When a DDR (Divided Dose Regimen) works for you, then she may feel comfortable in prescribing it for others so that they don't turn into imitation zombies. A positive mental attitude is good. But IMO even better is finding the right set of psychoaffective meds that help correct your neurochemical imbalances. This process will likely require much experimentation, trials, and errors (lots of those!). But please don't give up! The rewards can prove to be rather amazing. It also is not the end of the world. Oral meds may work for you. Then again they may not. If your pancreas won't cooperate, then insulin injections will literally save your life. Just like an effective mood stabilizer (lithium carbonate, Depakote, Tegretol, Neurontin, Lamictal, and others) can. You also might even need an antidepressant as well as an antimania med in addition to a mood stabilizer. Wow, I thought the same thing, went through a whole rigmarole of getting diabetes tests etc, and when nothing was wrong ended up feeling like I'd wasted everyones time and was a complete fool. I really hoped that I had something physical so I could tell people, hey I've got a brain tumor (or whatever), and they'd feel sorry for me and give me sympathy etc. People are so condascending towards depressed people - like you are weak or something. I felt like having something 'real' people would treat me like I was an ok person and not defective.
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